Protége Moi
by LiteraryMirage
Summary: Zexion is sent on a field mission that should have been simple, but instead goes horribly wrong. When he returns to the World that Never Was, he not only has to deal with the Superior's disappointment and punishment, but also the results of both. Zemyx
1. Prologue

**Author's Notes:** Well, I finally decided to post what is likely to become a very long fic, and will probably take me forever to finish. In any case, the title is from the Placebo song of the same title, which was a heavy influence when I was writing this and some of the following parts. Also, this is the first time I've written from first person perspective in years (something like 8 or more years I would hazard to guess), so it may seem a little wonky at times. Also, after the not so great reception I got for this on lj, I've been a little cautious about posting it elsewhere; only the support that I've gotten on Y!Gallery has kept me continuing to post it there. _Please_ leave a review if you have any feedback or just to say that this didn't totally bore and/or offend you! Thanks for reading! 

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, I don't own the characters. Only this horribly angsty and convoluted plot belongs to me. And I'm not always certain I want it, no matter _what_ my muses may try to tell me.

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* * *

Prologue_

I didn't know how long I had sat curled up in the window seat, hours certainly. I just knew that I recognized that scent; masculine, earthy, calm and most important of all, safe. I jerked my head up from off my knees where I had been resting it, and immediately regretted the sudden movement. What little was visible in the low light of early morning swirled in front of my eyes, and I flailed to steady myself before Lexaeus rounded the corner.

"Zexion?" his deep voice rumbled, confusion and concern readily apparent.

"Yeah," I smiled, or at least, I thought I did; I'm not sure if it actually came out as a smile or as more of a grimace.

"You had a mission a day or so ago, right? How did it go?" he asked, surprising me by actually speaking more than I.

"Y-yes; it…didn't go as well as could have been hoped I guess," I answered, mentally cursing my chattering teeth. When did it become so damn cold, anyway? I carefully tried to lever myself out of the windowsill, only to find my vision graying out. Lexaeus immediately moved to support me, only to suddenly draw back when I hissed in pain at his hand on my shoulder. _Shit, I forgot about that shoulder. Should have taken a potion for it. Damn._

"I-I'm okay, I just forgot to take a potion. I think I'll go take one and go to bed," I said, trying not to shiver, to not sway on my feet. My back was stiff from both the cold, and from the sharp pains coming from my ribs.

"No, you are not okay. I am taking you to Demyx, he'll heal that shoulder for you," Lexaeus stated, gently tilting my face up into the dim light to get a better look at it. He hummed to himself and added, "I do not think that your shoulder is the only problem here. Zexion, when was the last time you ate?"

"Uh, umm…I-I'm not sure. I _think_ I ate the day before my mission, I can't really remember if I ate before I left on it; I think I just had a cup of tea because I was too nervous," I tried to remember, I really did, but everything had started to blur badly midway through my mission, and it had only gotten worse when I had gone to report to the Superior.

"Did you not eat upon returning?"

"Well, I had to write up my report and turn it into the Superior. He…was most displeased with what I had to report, and with what I managed to accomplish on my mission." I looked down at my feet, resisting the urge to just lean against Lexaeus silent, comforting strength. I couldn't afford to look any weaker than I already did.

I finally forced myself to meet his eyes, "Lexaeus, I'll be fine, really. I just need to get some sleep. Thank you for your concern." And I turned to head back to my rooms, intending to portal there, since I was much too tired to wander the halls. Only somehow I found myself in Lexaeus' arms, cradled like a small child.

"You will do nothing of the sort. We are going to Demyx for healing, and I will get some food for you," he rumbled, his tone impressing upon me that he would take no argument. I was really too tired and dizzy to argue, so I just leaned against him, falling into a light doze despite myself.


	2. Part I

**A/N:** So...Part I finally! I'm working on this slowly but surely, unfortunately, my new position at work doesn't always leave me a lot of time for writing. I will try my best though!

Anyroad, Demyx finally joins our players and more angst happens. Yeah, this fic? Pretty much soaked in angst. Please _please_ review if you've enjoyed this at all, or have _constructive_ criticism!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own 'em.

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* * *

Part I_

Lexaeus quickly portalled to just outside Demyx's rooms, shaking me gently awake. "Hey, don't fall asleep on me, I think you might have a concussion," he murmured, as he knocked on the door.

Demyx answered immediately, clad in soft blue lounge pants and tank top. "Lexaeus? What are you—Zexion! What happened? Bring him in here right now!" Demyx's entire demeanor became one of urgent worry, and he turned, leading us into his rooms and toward a couch near his fireplace.

"Set him down here, I'll go get some washcloths and some potions," he said, gesturing for Lexaeus to set me down on said couch, while he went in search of supplies.

"Th-this really isn't nec-cessary, I-I'll be fine," I said, teeth chattering against my will. _Fuck, I'm freezing. And why won't my eyes focus?_ I looked down at my hand, surprised to find it shaking.

Demyx came back with washcloths and a handful of potion bottles. I grimaced at the sight of those, I'd always hated how those damn things tasted. He knelt in front of me, looking up at Lexaeus.

"Do you know how long he's been like this? I thought he had a mission a day or so ago? Any idea how extensive his injuries are?"

Lexaeus raised an eyebrow at Demyx's flood of questions, but answered none the less. " I do not know how long he has been back from his mission, I just found him in one of the windowsills shivering—"

"I w-was n-not shi-shivering!"

"—I think he may have a concussion, something is wrong with his right shoulder, probably dislocated, ribs are definitely bruised if nothing else, and he has not eaten in at least two days," he continued, giving me a look that just dared me to interrupt him again. That he was speaking so much on my behalf was in itself a small miracle, and I felt ashamed that he felt that he had to break his silence for me. _Fuck, I mess everything up. How long will it be before the Superior has me eliminated?_

Demyx nodded, looking at my eyes carefully before he hummed and looked back up at Lexaeus. "Do you think you could go down to the kitchens and maybe get some soup for Zexion? I can make some tea right now, but he should try eating something. I will see what I can do to take care of the worst of his injuries while you are gone." He smiled softly, giving Lexaeus a much needed excuse to do something useful.

"Yes, I will be back soon," he said, standing and heading for the doorway. I surprised everyone with the soft whimper I made when he left, afraid again that I would be hurt.

"Shhh, it's ok Zexion, I won't let anyone hurt you. Please tell me what happened? I'll do my best to heal your pains," Demyx said, softly cupping my cheek. I had always known that Demyx was the kindest of us, the healer and musician, the one who had always seemed to never quite fit in. At this moment, I was never so glad for his gentle nature that was such a polar opposite to the Superior's.

I nodded carefully, mindful of setting off another bout of vertigo, not really noticing that Demyx closed his eyes and gently rested his fingertips on my temples. The quiet melody he was humming never stopped, but it didn't bother me.

"I—had been given a mission by the Superior a couple days ago; that was strange, since I am rarely given field missions. It," I paused, trying to gather my scattered memories. Me, a mind-mage, unable to order my thoughts! "It didn't go quite as planned. I was barely able to make it back to report. When I did return, the Superior immediately demanded my debriefing on what went wrong. He…was not happy with what I had to tell him."

Demyx 'hmm'd' in response, concentration obviously focused on finding my injuries, and moved his hands to my shoulders, sending soft, blue healing energy into the bruised collarbone, and dislocated shoulder. I sighed as the pain there began to dissipate, and found myself able to move my head without feeling like I was going to fall over.

"When the Superior has previously been unhappy with my missions, he merely gave me a verbal dress-down," I said unhappily, shuddering despite my best efforts not to. With the concussion loosing its hold on me, more of what had happened was coming back. "Th-this t-time…he…he was m-more ph-physic-cal with h-his d-displeasure."

I choked back the sob as best I could, but I couldn't stop the traitorous tears that slid down my cheeks. Demyx instantly looked up at that sob, horror written across his face. He slid from his knees to sit next to me, and gathered me into his arms, holding me, but never tightly.

"He…he _h-hurt _me Demyx! He's _n-never_ hurt me b-before!" I sobbed, leaning against his chest, letting the tears come. My chest still hurt, along with lower regions, and my shattered pride.

"Shh, it's okay, just cry. I'll take care of the rest of your injuries while you get it out," he murmured, stroking my hair. _No one _ever_ touches me, let alone like this!_ But I gave in, letting the sobs rack my body, even as I felt Demyx's healing flow through my body.

Just then, the kettle Demyx had set over the fire began to whistle, and he gently shifted me to lie down on the couch while he filled two cups of tea. He added a small dollop of honey to each before bringing them over.

"Here," he said, helping me to sit up and wrapping an arm around my back in quiet support, and handing a mug to me. "Drink this, it'll help you warm up."

I nodded, accepting the mug, and his kindness. I was too tired, too hurt to fight anymore. I just wanted to curl up in a cold ball of misery and never wake up; that's what I had been in the process of doing when Lexaeus found me. I was still shivering and shaking as I drank the tea Demyx had made. It was warm, with a slightly bittersweet taste to it, but smelt of green growing things; I wondered vaguely if he had gotten it from Marluxia.

"Thank you…f-for everything," I said softly, continuing to fight the urge to lean against Demyx. I was afraid that he would leave, that I would be left alone. Again. How I hated being alone!

"You're very welcome, Zexion," murmured Demyx, pulling my small frame to lean against him. _How the hell did he know?! How could he know about this?_ "I—need to be able to feel people, Zexion; we all do, really. Some of us just need it more, you know?" he said quietly, gently hugging me. I couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged me. It was definitely back when I was still Ienzo, long before everything went to shit.

I nodded, yet again resisting the urge to cry. At that moment, Lexaeus returned, knocking on Demyx's door before announcing himself.

"It's just me, Lexaeus."

"Come in!" Demyx called, shifting me so that he could better support me. "Thank you for bringing the food. Would you like a cup of tea?" he waved in the direction of the tea kettle and extra mug.

"Thank you, but I think I shall retire now. And thank you for everything Demyx," he nodded to Demyx, and then looking at me, he said, "Be well, Zexion."

"Thank you, you really didn't have to do all this for me," I said quietly.

He nodded and left, closing the door behind him, after having set his basket of food on the low table next to the couch.

Still supporting me, Demyx leaned down and snagged a thermos from the basket, twisted the top off, and poured some of the still steaming broth into said top. He shifted me a little, so I was sitting up more than sprawling across the couch, and took the tea mug from my hands.

"Here, sip this slowly," he said, setting down the mug, and snagging a damp washcloth. He began to softly wipe my face and neck, not yet venturing to unzip my coat.

"Zexion, I need to unzip your coat in order to check you for other injuries. I can Sense them, but it's much easier for me to heal them if I can see and feel them. I don't want you to panic, okay?"

"I…it's ok, I'll be okay," I said shakily, trying to unzip my coat with shaking hands, and also not spill the hot broth on myself. With gentle hands, Demyx pushed mine away, and carefully pulled down the zipper. It was not a fast movement, unlike the Superior who had almost broken the zipper. _No! Don't! Please! _I fought the urge to scream, to run away, to clutch my coat closed. Instead, I went completely still, frozen in place.

Demyx moved from behind me, leaning me back against the couch and kneeling in front of me once again. He was making sure I could see him, that I would be able to recognize him for being Demyx, for not being the Superior. Once again, I choked back a sob. I knew that my torso was blood covered and bruised, the pale flesh showing every assault visited upon it. He looked up at me, sorrow, shared pain and sympathy in his eyes. _Such expressive eyes. I wish my eyes were so beautiful and truthful._ Continuing with the washcloth where he had left off, Demyx worked to wash off the blood and dirt covering me. _I'll never be clean! You can't help me! No one can!_ I screamed inside my head, ashamed of myself.

"Zexion, you know you did nothing to deserve this, right? You've been with the Organization since the beginning, you've done far more for us than I ever will. And I'm still here, so there's nothing for you to worry about. You'll be safe here, no one can enter my rooms without my say."

I could only nod, forcing myself to take another sip of the broth even though my stomach was rebelling against it. My head was starting to throb now, although the vertigo was almost completely gone. _I guess I hit that wall harder than I thought. _I hoped that I would be able to hold back the nausea until Demyx was finished healing me.

"Shit, did you know that you have a couple of fractured ribs? What the hell happened? Did this happen on your mission or did the Superior do this?" Demyx exclaimed, outraged, as he worked to heal my obviously bruised and fractured ribs.

I jerked my head up, "I…I d-don't re-remember. I-I'm s-sorry," I stuttered, frightened once again. _I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me again! I won't fail you!_ Repressed memories were swirling back, twisting past and present into a confused reality where I was unsure of my surroundings and who I was with. I shuddered, afraid of being hit, shying back when Demyx reached up to touch my cheek.

"Zexion, it's okay, it's just Demyx. I would never hurt you! Please look at me! I'm sorry I got angry," he said softly, turning my face to look at him.

I fought to focus my eyes on his face, forced myself to really _look_ at him. With a shuddering breath, I looked at Demyx, nodding in acknowledgement.

"I…I guess I'm pretty fucked up, huh? Can't even remember where I am anymore.." my voice trailed off, not wanting to voice my true fears.

"Hey! You're allowed to be frightened, all things considered. I know _I _would be terrified, if it was me," he said, resting a hand on my knee. I continued to look into his eyes, working to control my panicked breathing. It started to work until another memory surfaced, and I was locked into reliving it.

_I had just arrived in the world I was sent to, and was looking for the contact I was supposed to make. He was supposed to meet me at this café hidden in a back street, and give me a portfolio the Superior had requested. I was also supposed to investigate how far the Heartless infestation had spread on this world, along with the presence of any lesser nobodies. That night had already fallen on this world only served to increase my unease, and I looked around nervously, searching for the meeting place. Once again, I found myself wishing that one of the more street-wise members had been sent with me. So what if it was only an information-gathering mission, the Superior should have known I wasn't the best person to send someplace like this. Predators waited for victims who looked like I did. 'Dammit Superior, why did you send me?'_

_Just as my nerves were beginning to get the better of me, I spotted the café. Only, there were dark shapes moving in the shadows where there shouldn't have been any movement. I barely had time to summon my Book before the Heartless swarmed me, claws digging through my heavy leather coat. I fought them off, trying to gain entrance to the café, hoping that my contact was inside, that he had the Superior's portfolio.  
'No! Don't go inside! Stop!' I screamed at myself, knowing what was going to happen next._

_I continued towards my goal, and was finally able to gain entrance into the café, slamming the door behind me. I leaned against the door, sagging with relief, not really taking notice of my surroundings. I looked up only when I realized that it was too dark inside the café. Even with the Heartless prowling the streets, it shouldn't have been this dark inside, this early in the evening._

_I looked straight into the image of something that belonged in my worst nightmares._

"Nooooo!" I screamed, lost to the memory, fighting Demyx off as he tried to soothe me out of my own waking nightmare.

"Zexion! C'mon, come back to me! It's over! You're going be okay, just please, come back!" He said, shaking me, sending more healing energy into me, trying to calm my flailing mind.

I suddenly broke back into the present, took one look at Demyx's worried face, and immediate crumpled. It was too much, I couldn't take his sympathy, I couldn't deal with my own memories. I was a failure.

Demyx held me once again, rubbing my back and making soothing sounds as I sobbed against him, shivering in both cold and reaction. I tried to pull back, in some misguided attempt at bravery, trying to save his already soaked top from further deluges.

"Hey, it's ok, I don't mind getting my shirt a little wet. I'm a water-mage, after all!" Demyx said, smiling gently. "Do you think you are up to bathing? I think it would warm you up and help you relax."

I nodded, not trusting my voice, and tried to stand up. Unfortunately, the slashes across the backs of my thighs had been overlooked while Demyx had been focused on my upper body. My knees buckled, and I would have crashed to the ground, had Demyx not been there to catch me.

"Nah-ah, that won't do!" he said, lightly laying a hand on my leg and healing the worst of the wounds there. The wounds weren't completely healed yet, but they would no longer bleed or spasm for now. He slung my left arm around his neck, while wrapping an arm around my waist to support me. I was grateful not only that he wasn't much taller than I, but also that he didn't feel the need to carry me like Lexaeus did.

The walk to the bathroom was thankfully brief, but not short enough for my stomach. By the time we finally passed through the doorway, I struggled out of Demyx's arms and made a rush for the toilet. In a matter of moments I had emptied my stomach of what little broth I had managed to consume, along with anything else that had remained in there, and a little bit of stomach acid for good measure. Once the dry heaves seemed to have stopped for the moment, I leaned my head against the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl. Everything ached, despite all the healing Demyx had done. _I don't deserve this, I'm a total failure. He shouldn't waste his energy and time on me._

"I know these taste awful, but this will help speed up the healing process," Demyx said, handing me a potion bottle. He himself downed an ether with a grimace. Why the wretched things had to taste so awful was a mystery that would never be solved.

I nodded, making note of the fact that he had already removed the stopper for me. Looking at my trembling hands, it was a good thing he had, otherwise I likely would have been unable to open it. I took a deep breath and choked it down in one gulp, handing the bottle back to Demyx. He reached down, taking the bottle and setting it on the back of the toilet.

"C'mon, let's get you into the tub," he said, helping me to stand, and carefully pulling off my coat. Judging by the slashes through it and the stains on it, I was going to need a new one. Despite that fact, Demyx neatly folded it up and set it on a nearby chair. He then turned on the taps on the enormous tub that dominated the bathroom. _That thing must be large enough to fit at least half the Organization! _

"Do…you want me to help you?" he asked softly, holding out a hand. Nearby, but not touching, understanding that to remove my pants without my permission was asking for another relapse.

I shook my head, determined to undress myself. I struggled with my belt buckle for a good three minutes before I was finally able to unbuckle it. _Ok, now to deal with the button and zipper. Shit, I wish my hands would stop shaking. _Demyx merely watched me with sympathy, after having gathered some large, fluffy towels, along with other bathing necessities while I waged war on my belt and pants.

By the time I had finally managed to unbuckle my belt and unbutton my pants, Demyx guided me to a chair where he sat me down.

"I am _not_ going to watch you struggle with those boots, or we'll be here all night," he said, smiling up at me as he tugged off my boots. I was surprised to see a trickle of blood down my calf as he removed them, and was not prepared for the fresh wave of dizziness that washed over me. I clutched at Demyx's shoulders as I clenched my eyes shut, grimacing against the pain. _Will this never end? I don't even remember half of these injuries!_

"Whoa, easy there, I won't have you passing out on me yet!" he said, quickly pulling off the other boot before I could focus in on the pain, and sending a wave of gentle healing energy into me. _No wonder he had to take an ether, I'm a total mess._

Once I was free of the boots, it was a simple matter to get out of my pants and briefs. At least, it should have been simple. Instead, I found myself standing next to the tub, trembling and holding my pants in a death grip so tight that my knuckles were turning white. Demyx moved to stand in front of me, and gently laid his hands over mine.

"Zexion, if you don't want to, you don't have to. I'll leave if you want me to," he offered softly, ready to leave if I asked him to.

"N-no! Don't! Please don't leave me," I cried, suddenly terrified at the prospect of being alone. I was more afraid of being left in here alone, of being left with only my own memories for company, than of being naked in front of Demyx. I could live with the embarrassment, I don't think I could live with the abandonment. _Not alone! If you leave, _He'll_ find me! Please don't leave me to Him!_

Demyx nodded, and loosened my death-grip on my pants. "Here, let me help. You'll never get clean if you don't get those leather pants off." Slowly, so slowly, he peeled my pants down, leaving my briefs on. My pants stuck to the back of my legs, glued there by blood and other fluids. The trembling got worse, and I found I had to hold onto Demyx's shoulders in order to stay upright. I leaned against him, eyes screwed shut, as I lifted first one foot, and then the other free of my pants.

There. There was nothing hidden now. Every mark, every crime, every sin was visible to see on my body. After all, being fair skinned left me easy to mark. _Such an easy victim. I should have known better! He should hate me, not pity me!_

Almost as slowly, Demyx stood up, lifting my chin to look at him.

"Look at me Zexion. You. Have. _Nothing_. To be ashamed of. And I will keep telling you that until you believe me. You are strong, brilliant and beautiful, never doubt that," he said fiercely, but in soft tones, so as not to frighten me further.

I shook my head, refusing to meet his eyes. _No! You're wrong! I'm hideous and weak! If I was so smart, I never would have walked into that trap!_ I shivered, but leaned into Demyx's warmth, part of me seeking reassurance, even if the rest of me believed I was undeserving of comfort and redemption. Demyx wrapped his arms around me, tucking my head under his chin, starting to hum softly again.

We stood like that for a few minutes, just being. _This is nice. I wish it would last. I hope this isn't just an illusion_. After a while, Demyx pulled back and guided me to the side of the tub, where, to my surprise, there was a small set of steps leading up into the tub. He grinned at my obvious surprise, and helped me climb in, careful not to make any sudden movements.

And still, he made no move to make me remove my briefs. I was immeasurably glad.

"Easy, not too fast, it's pretty hot," he said, helping me step in, making sure I stepped in slowly, using the steps that were inside the tub as well. I sighed, as I sank into the blessed warmth of the water. No wonder Demyx was so gentle and comforting, considering his element was water; it was a perfect match of mage and element.

As the water relaxed me, I found my mind blanking, leaving me numb and free of memories. Demyx just leaned over the edge of the tub, running a soapy sponge over my arms and chest, gently scrubbing away the blood and grime that he hadn't been able to remove with the washcloth earlier. It wasn't until he reached my lower back that I jerked back to awareness. With a gasp, I looked up at him, really _seeing_ for once.

"De-Demyx! I…I don't think I'll ever be clean," I whined, grabbing the sponge from Demyx, and starting to frantically scrub myself. My skin started to turn pink from the violence of my scrubbing, my desire to rid myself of His marks. And the filth from It.

Demyx watched for a few moments before reaching out and grabbing my wrist.

"Stop that Zexion! You'll hurt yourself! Let me help you!" he cried.

Removing the sponge from my hand, he dipped it back in the water, rinsing it of soap before lifting it over my head, and wringing the water out onto my hair. It didn't hold a lot of water, meant more for washing the body, not one's hair. However, Demyx didn't seem to be terribly concerned by this, and continued to slowly wet my hair. At this rate, it would take a very long time to wash and rinse my hair.

Pausing, Demyx leaned over to look at me.

"Can I trust you not to scrub yourself raw with this?" he said, gesturing with the sponge.

I nodded; I would do my best to do as he asked. _He has already done so much for me; I can at least do this, right?_

He smiled at me, and handed the sponge to me. Then he got up and walked over to one of the cabinets where he rummaged a bit, returning moments later with a bowl that was perfectly shaped for use in a tub.

"Ah! This will work _much_ better for washing your hair!" he said with renewed cheer. He walked back over to the side of the tub, kneeling on the steps. I strained to look back at him, worried that he was going to hurt his knees.

"W-wait! Don't hurt yourself! Those steps aren't very soft…" I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Don't worry," he smiled, running a hand through my hair. "I summoned a cushion of water to protect my knees."

I looked over the side of the tub, where there was indeed a layer of water between Demyx's knees and the step he was kneeling on.

"Now turn around and let me was your hair. You focus on _gently_ washing your body. Don't make me take that sponge away again; you won't be getting it back!" he mock scolded, placing his hands on my shoulders and turning me around.

I nodded silently, and set to carefully washing myself. I knew I should wash my nether regions, but I was afraid to remove my briefs, afraid of the irreparable damage there. Down There was a scary place, there was only pain There. So I settled for briefly running the sponge over the front of my briefs, focusing on cleaning my legs instead. _At least the water would clean some of it, right?_

Demyx carefully wet and then shampooed my hair, massaging my scalp, mindful of getting it in my eyes. I leaned back against the side of the tub, craving more of Demyx's gentle touches. Despite everything that had happened, part of me knew that I could trust him. That he would protect me, and would not hurt me further. And so I found my hands stilling, and I started to doze off as Demyx finished conditioning and rinsing my hair.

"Hey, let's get you out of here before you turn into a prune," he said, shaking my shoulder.

"Hnn?" I murmured, blinking up at him sleepily. Too many days without sleep or food, plus the events of the past few days were starting to catch up with me. It was a loosing battle I was fighting against exhaustion and sleep.

Demyx simply chuckled softly, and lifted me out of the tub, holding me to him as he grabbed a towel to wrap around me. It was warm, and soft, and I snuggled down into it. He guided me back into the main chamber, and deposited me on his oversized waterbed. _Figures he'd have a waterbed.[/i _He turned and headed over to a large closet, where he searched around briefly before returning with a pair of boxers, a t-shirt, and lounge pants similar to what he was wearing.

"Here, you're in no shape to go back to your own rooms. I know you don't want to take off your briefs, but these are clean and might be a bit more comfortable, eh?," he said, handing the clothing to me. I nodded my agreement, and then just sat there, not moving.

"You know, it helps if you move first," Demyx said, offering a hand.

I was jerked out of staring at the clothing in my hands, and looked up at Demyx guiltily.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I guess that would be a good start."

He watched me for a moment before finally reaching out and pulling me to my feet. I looked up at him, still trembling every now and then, although no longer from the cold. This was from nerves, and maybe a little from simple exhaustion. Demyx slowly unwrapped the towel, tossing it to the side.

"I won't hurt you Zexion, you can trust me, okay?" he murmured, setting a hand on my hip.

I nodded, looking up at him and biting my lip. I could feel the tears building in my eyes yet again. _Damn, will I ever stop crying?_

"I…can you help me? I d-don't think I can do it. I'm afraid of what's down there," I finally whispered miserably.

Demyx nodded, smiling sadly, and started to very slowly pull my briefs down. The water from my bath had removed most of the traces, but a little bit remained that had been caked on thicker than the rest. He summoned a water clone that quickly and efficiently removed the last physical traces of abuse, sensing that it would be easier on my mind than having him do so with his own hands. I had screwed my eyes shut by this point, and was just standing there, fighting to keep from running away.

I lifted my legs when directed to by Demyx's hands and soft murmurs, and found myself clothed in clean, warm sleepwear.

"You can open your eyes now, it's ok."

I nodded. And didn't open my eyes. _If I open my eyes, all of this will disappear._

"Alright, if you're not going to open your eyes, I'm just going to have to lead you back to the bed," Demyx said, a smile audible in his voice. _How can he smile? He's seen Down There! He _knows_ what They did!_ I trembled, but allowed him to take my hand and lead me forward. I stumbled when my legs brushed the side of the bed, but Demyx just lifted me in, pulling back the blankets.

I soon found myself wrapped in warm blankets, and even warmer arms. Despite myself, I snuggled into that strength, hiding from my own memories.

"Please, don't leave me. I…I don't want to go back to Him…" I whispered, loosing the fight against sleep.

"Shh, I'm right here. I won't leave you, and I won't let anyone hurt you. Just sleep, I'll be here when you awake," he said, stroking my hair and holding me tight to him. I squirmed closer, and finally fell asleep, oblivious to the line of healing Demyx had established.


	3. Part II

**A/n:** Well, here's Part II at last! My Zexy-muse hasn't been cooperating very much lately, so updates may eventually slow a little bit, until I kick him into helping me. However, reviews _always_ help feed the writing beastie! XD And yes, I continue to dance around outright describing what happened to Zexion, and I likely won't come out and directly say it any time soon, if ever. I prefer to leave that up to the reader to imagine.

**Disclaimer:** Still down own the boys or KH. pouts At least I have this plot...although it's up for debate if that's a good or a bad thing.

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* * *

Part II_

It was only a few hours later when I awoke with a choked scream, body shaking as I fought my way out of the nightmare I had been trapped in.

"Mmm, Zex are you ok?" Demyx murmured sleepily, pulling me closer to him.

I started to nod, only realizing that no, I was not ok. I was terrified of being alone, I was terrified of being near people, and my own mind had become my worst enemy. So instead, I found myself shaking my head and trying to bury myself in his arms.

"Another nightmare?" he asked, running a hand gently through my hair and down my back, starting to hum yet again. _Please don't stop. I need you; I need your music, your strength, your kindness._

I nodded, not trusting my voice to betray me again. I was so cold again, I felt like I would never be truly warm again.

"Shh, it's ok, I'm here. Just go back to sleep, I'll guard you and protect you," he rumbled, continuing to rub his hand in soothing circles on my back.

Again, I nodded and curled closer. I never wanted to leave this place, his arms, this safety. Soon enough, sleep overtook my exhausted mind and body. And still, Demyx continued to heal and sooth me with hands and music.

This time, I was groggily pulled out of sleep by a soft knocking at the door and the sudden loss of Demyx's warm arms. My sleep-fogged mind acknowledged that Demyx was softly speaking with someone, but I couldn't bring myself to recognize the other voice. My body still ached and my head felt incredibly heavy, so I chose to curl back up into a ball and go back to sleep.

I roused a little when Demyx climbed back into the bed, making it shift a little with his weight.

"Hey, wake up a little bit Zex, I need to give you some fluids before you get completely dehydrated," he said, shaking my shoulder gently.

"Mm?" I asked intelligently.

"C'mon, sit up, I'll help you," he said, moving me to lean against his chest as he brought a glass of water to my lips. "Sip this slowly, or it'll just come back up."

I nodded, and slowly sipped the cool water. _Oh! This is amazing! I never knew water could taste so wonderful! _I fought to not gulp it down, acknowledging Demyx's wisdom about drinking too much water too fast on an empty stomach. Sipping the water, I leaned back against Demyx, once again blanking my mind and focusing just on the sensation of being held, of the cool water sliding down my throat. Once the glass was empty, Demyx leaned over to set it on the table next to the bed, and then scooted back down into bed, bringing me with him.

"Better?"

"Yes," I nodded, "Thank you."

"Not a problem. How are you feeling? How's your head?"

"Still a little sore. My head feels a little fuzzy but no longer feels like it's been split in two."

"Hmm, let me see what I can do about that," he said, gently resting his fingertips on my temples and sending cool healing energy into me. A sound that was a combination of a sigh and a moan escaped my lips as some of the pressure in my head eased, and some of the aches throughout my body began to dissipate. _Whatever you want, it's yours! Just please, don't stop!_ I didn't know what I had done to deserve Demyx's kindness and gentle healing, but I swore right then I would do anything to repay him, to earn the right to this wonderful gift. _If only I had some way to thank you. I don't deserve all of this._

Demyx hummed thoughtfully, and then brought his fingers back down, and hugged me to him. I could practically feel him smiling with contentment at having further healed me.

"Why? Why are you doing this for me? I have nothing to give you in return," I said softly, turning to look at him.

"You're my friend, a part of this messed up family we're all part of. You don't need to do _anything _for me. It's my job to make sure everyone is taken care of, and you were in pain. I'd never turn away a friend in pain, I care about you too much to do that," he said, hugging me again. "Lexaeus worries about you too. I've _never_ heard him say so much in a _month_ let alone in one hour!"

"I...I know," I said, blushing with shame. "I never asked him to find me, to bring me to you. I didn't expect anyone to find me in that window.

"Zexion, how _long_ were you sitting there before Lex found you, anyways? You were almost delirious and barely conscious when he brought you to me," Demyx asked, obviously concerned and still worried about me.

"Uh, I-I really d-don't know," I shivered, trying to remember but not wanting to at the same time. "I d-don't really remember v-very much." Again, I trembled, scared and ashamed of my fear.

"Well, can you at least tell me what you do remember? I only want to help you Zexion," he said, holding me gently. Never confining me, but a comfortable strength that I could lean against.

"I-I remember b-barely b-being able to p-portal out of the c-café and returning t-to the C-castle. The S-superior f-found me in the Library wr-writing my r-report, and d-demanded that I f-follow him immediately. We…we went to his office, and I gave him my report. It was so cold in there, but I knew I couldn't let him see me shivering or limping. He read my report quickly without looking at me," I told Demyx in a dead tone of voice, my stutter lessening as I lost myself in the memories, staring ahead of me blankly. "When he finished, he called me over to him, and grabbed the front of my coat..."

"_What is the meaning of this number VI? Where is the portfolio I sent you for? What do you mean that you were unable to make contact with my agent? You were there for hours! All of the previous reports I have received about this world indicated that the Heartless have barely started to make their presence known. This was a simple mission, even you should have been able to complete it!" He growled, pulling me down to him._

"_Even an ineffective bookworm like you should have been able to find a simple café and get a portfolio from a contact. That there were Heartless is of no concern, they can't really cause you any real damage. As for this "creature" you wrote about; why did you not just Portal out of there? If you had a strong enough will to become a Nobody, you should have been able to Portal out of there immediately."_

_I just nodded, blushing in embarrassment and murmured a quiet, "I'm sorry Superior. I failed you. It won't happen again."_

"_You're right, it _won't _happen again. I'll just have to find some other way to get through to you, since words seem to no longer have any affect on you. Otherwise, you would have been able to complete this _simple _mission without any complications." He stood, advancing on me, forcing me to back up against the wall. Grabbing my coat again, he slammed me against it repeatedly._

"_You." Slam. "Will." Slam. "Never." Slam. "Fail." Slam. "Me." Slam. "Again." Slam. "Do you understand, VI?"_

_I forced myself to nod, even though my eyes were having trouble focusing, and I could feel my stomach trying to escape out my throat. _

"_Y-yes, S-s-sup-perior. I-I will n-n-never f-fail you a-a-again," I whimpered. I just wanted it to end so I could go hide somewhere in the Castle. _

_He raised his hand, slapping me hard enough to throw me against the wall again. He released my coat for a moment, and I began to slide down the wall, legs unable to support my weight._

"_What a weakling I let into my Organization. I do not remember Ienzo being so weak." _

_He grabbed my coat again, and roughly unzipped, almost breaking the zipper. I whimpered, a part of me knowing what was going to happen again…_

"Zexion! Snap out of it, that's enough, I don't need to hear any more!" Demyx shook me, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I hadn't realized I had been crying, I had been so lost in recounting and remembering what happened. Once I struggled out of the memory, I started to shake and cry again. I tried to pull away from Demyx, not wanting to cry all over him again. Instead, he pulled me closer to him, cradling me in his arms like a child. At that moment I felt like a frightened child, one who was lost, hurt and without a home. I felt younger than I had in years, and I finally gave in to that need to be a child, if only for a short time.

"Shh, shh, it's ok, let it out. I'm here," he sang softly, rocking me back and forth. After a few minutes of rocking me, he began to sing a quiet melody, something I supposed his Other had known. I found myself relaxing, and gradually my sobbing tapered of to the occasional sniffle, and I just curled tighter into his arms. It was a wonderful feeling to be held, to not have to fear being hurt or abused. To receive this from Demyx was something I never would have hoped for, but I was grateful, so terribly grateful I had no words to express it.

"Are you ok now? Do you think you might be able to eat something? It's been an awful long time since you've eaten anything," he said, lifting my chin and wiping my cheeks with the sheet. I nodded, even though I really didn't feel like eating.

He got up, leaving me wrapped in the blanket, and brought the basket Lexaeus had left behind over to the bed. He opened it, taking out a couple different containers, handing some of them to me.

"Here," he said, unwrapping a sandwich and handing it to me.

"Uh, aren't you worried about getting crumbs and stuff in your bed?" I asked, concerned about getting his bed dirty.

"Nah, I eat in bed quite often. Very comfy to do," he grinned, snagging another sandwich for himself.

"Oh, okay," I said, nibbling at the sandwich. Really, I wasn't very hungry, but I knew I should eat. Plus, I don't think I could deal with Demyx's disappointment if I didn't eat.

After I had managed to choke down the sandwich, along with some fruit, Demyx finally gave me a break.

"There, that's better, isn't it?" he asked, setting the basket aside. _I wonder if_ _Lexaeus__ managed to convince_ _Vexen__ to cast an ice spell on the basket to keep everything inside cool._ I had eaten more food in one sitting than I normally did in the course of a week. My body wasn't too sure how to react to that.

"I…I really don't know," I shrugged. "This is a lot more than I usually eat," I admitted, feeling groggy again already.

"Mmm, no wonder you're so small! There's no way you eat enough if a little sandwich and a few pieces of fruit has you feeling overfull!"

What could I say to that? He was right, of course. The past few weeks it had been getting worse, as I tried to hide from the Superior's increasingly foul temper and chaotic mood swings. He had a tendency to seek out either myself or Vexen when he wanted to dissect some new theory of his, and I hated when he did that. So instead of dealing with him, I had taken to avoiding meal times, instead stealing into the kitchen at random hours to grab quick, portable food, not exactly the best diet. My hiding was probably part of the reason he had sent me on that mission, to show his displeasure. I shivered in reaction to memories that I didn't want to remember.

"Hey! It's okay, I didn't mean anything by that," Demyx said, hugging my much smaller body to his. That alone told me how badly I'd been neglecting myself recently, if even Demyx dwarfed me. I _knew_ he wasn't that much taller than me, and he was far from being densely built like Lexaeus and Xaldin.

I sighed, leaning into his arms and closing my eyes. I never wanted to leave the safety and warmth of his arms; but I knew that could never be, the Superior would never allow it. He would find some way to tear us apart, if not outright destroy us for defying him. After all, we weren't supposed to have hearts, weren't supposed to be able to feel, right?

If that was so, why did I find myself falling asleep, cradled in the arms of a man whom I _knew, _beyond logic, cared for me? This defied everything I had been told since becoming a Nobody, and I found myself believe what Demyx had always said. That we _did_ feel emotions, that we felt fear, pain, friendship, jealousy, happiness, even love. In that moment, wavering between sleep and awareness, I admitted, at least to myself, that I loved Demyx.

I loved his gentleness, his music, his sense of humour and his laugh, his determination and quiet loyalty. I loved his carefully masked intelligence that led others to underestimate him, giving him an advantage. But most of all, I loved him for him, and would do anything to save him from my fate.

I felt Demyx gently shift us both so that we were lying down, my head resting on his shoulder. He brushed my hair back from my face, chastely kissing my forehead before settling the blankets around us. I smiled and murmured a quiet "thank you" before falling asleep.


	4. Part III

**A/n:** Uploading this a little early, since I have work tomorrow, and I'll be going straight to my bro's college to hang out afterwards.

And now Marluxia joins our cast, adding some fun to the mix. Gotta have a little laughter to balance all the angst, right?

**Disclaimer:** Still down own the boys or KH. pouts At least I have this plot...although it's up for debate if that's a good or a bad thing.

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* * *

Part III_I don't know when Demyx got out of bed, but I awoke to find myself alone. I fought against the covers, panic-stricken, until I managed to untangle myself. _At least I didn't awake screaming this time._ Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to calm down. 

_Relax; he can't be that far away. He would have left a note if he had to go somewhere outside his rooms. Use your nose for Goddess' sake!_ I shook my head to clear it of dream phantoms and nightmare fog. When my breathing had returned to a somewhat normal rate, I focused my attention on following Demyx's scent.

Pushing aside the bed curtains- _he must have drawn those shut when he got up- _I slowly got out of bed. I was surprised at how weak and wobbly I was, despite Demyx's multiple healings and the potions he'd made me take. I followed his scent to the fireplace, and found him curled up in an oversized chair, reading and nursing a cup of tea. I smiled at the image, and slowly shuffled over to him.

He must have been really focused on what he was reading, ass he didn't even look up until I started to climb into the chair with him.

"Good morning," he smiled, humming a little. "Sleep well?"

"Mmm, yes, thanks to you," I said softly, snuggling closer.

"Good, I'm glad," he said, wrapping his arms around me and rubbing his cheek against my hair. I leaned into his touch, almost purring in contentment. _I don't think I'll ever get over the wonder feeling of gentle, warm touches._

"Do you have patrol or anything today?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Nope, I had patrol the night and morning before Lexaeus found you and brought you to me, so I'm off the hook for a few days. As for missions, the Superior really doesn't send me much more often than you or Vexen, since I'm not a very good field agent. So, as long as we keep this on the down low and off the obvious radar, I think we should be okay for a little while at least.

Marluxia knows, and so does Lexaeus, obviously. Marly stopped by last night when I didn't come down for lunch or dinner; that's who you probably heard me talking to. He agreed that it was best not to let the Superior know that you're here, and also just how badly you were hurt. Since the Superior put him in charge in his absence, Marly is in a position to make sure this stays quiet."

"Oh," was all I could think of to say. I hadn't even begun to really think of the consequences of what had happened to me, as well as my staying with Demyx, beyond the immediate relation to myself. _Since when did I become so careless and self-centered?_

"Don't worry, I didn't expect you to have thought of all this," he said, continuing to hold me. "You have enough to deal with as is. Let me take care of the details, okay?"

I nodded, surprised and flooded with sudden warmth. _Is this what it feels like to be loved? To be protected?_

"Good," he said, reaching down for his book. "How's the head feeling today?"

"Um, better, but I still feel kinda disconnected, I guess."

"Hmm, part of that's from the concussion you sustained. Other part is probably from your emotional trauma." He tucked the book next to him again, and cupped my face in both hands, looking into my eyes intently.

I felt his blue healing flow into me again, and I sighed as some of the pressure was released.

"There, how's that?"

"Much better," I smiled, hugging him. "I don't feel quite so out of it now."

"Very good," he smiled, hugging me back. I stayed there, my head resting on his chest, tucked under his chin. I had no inclination to move, and sensing that, Demyx reached for his book, and went back to reading. Something about this felt right, it felt like _home._

After remaining like that for a while, Demyx shifted a little, moving where I was curled up.

"Nn, Zex, you're making my arm and legs go numb! Wanna move to the couch?"

"Hmm, I guess so," I shrugged, slowly sitting up and uncurling myself. I hadn't realized that my own legs were cramping up. Carefully, I stood back up and waited for Demyx to move over to the couch and settle himself. Walking over, I snagged a blanket from the back of the chair we had been sitting in, and proceeded to rest my head in Demyx's lap, stretching out on the couch between his legs, draping us both with the blanket.

"Comfy?" he chuckled.

"Heh, yes. Very," I grinned up at him. For some reason, being here, with Demyx, made me feel like a child again, craving physical contact in a way I didn't understand. _How can I want his touches after what happened? What's wrong with me?_

Looking up at him, feeling the contentment radiating from him, I surprised myself by softly laughing. _I _never_ laugh!_ Demyx joined my laughter, stroking my hair and caressing my face.

"Oh Zexion, I wish you would always laugh for me. That I could always bring you joy," he said wistfully. "I wish I could have stopped what happened to you."

"But…but you've already done so much! I'll never be able to thank you for everything!" I cried, twisting to look up at Demyx. _How can he think that he's not done enough?_

"Your smile, your laugh, is my thanks. Just stay safe and heal," he said, pulling me up and hugging me tightly.

I nodded weakly, feeling tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. From laughter to tears in a matter of moments, I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be alright again. Demyx stretched around me, snagging the blanket and pulling it back up, wrapping it around me. I settled against him, wrapping my arms around him and reveling in his warmth. He smiled down at me, albeit a little sadly, and returned to his book. Once again, I found myself drowsing, completely relaxed. _Will I ever stop falling asleep all the time? I feel like all I do is cry and sleep._

After what must have been a few hours, Demyx nudged me fully awake.

"Hey, I gotta go use the bathroom; I'll be right back, k?"

"Mmkay," I muttered sleepily, snuggling back under the blanket as he got up and headed for the bathroom. That is, until I realized that I needed to use the facilities as well, and rather badly at that, if the feeling of impending explosion was any indication.

"W-wait, I gotta go too!" I shouted, following clumsily after him, still wrapped in the blanket.

He looked up at me as I crashed through the bathroom door. _So much for grace and subtly. Way to go__ Zexion_ I blushed, and closed the door behind me.

"Uh…" I said intelligently. My brilliance was astounding today.

"Don't worry about it," he chuckled, finishing up. "Your turn."

I shuffled over, reluctantly dropping my blanket to the floor. I was ashamed of my body, not wanting Demyx to see it, even though he already had; but I also didn't want him to leave me alone.

"C-could you turn around…but don't leave?"

"Sure," he answered, turning around and walking over to a window, opening it and leaning out.

I turned and quickly did my business, barely looking at or touching myself. _Dirty, dirty, it's dirty down There. It'll never be clean._ I walked over to the sink, washing my hands at least three times before Demyx came up behind me, turned off the tap and pulled my hands out of the sink.

"That's enough, Zexion. I think they're clean enough; leave some skin on, eh?"

I nodded, looking up at him. I hadn't even really noticed what I was doing, and blushed with embarrassment. I moved away from him, bending down to pick up my blanket and wrapping it around myself before going back into the main room. I headed over to the couch, curling up at the end of it, feeling ashamed of myself yet again. _What's wrong with me? How can he stand to be around me? To touch me?_

I jerked back in surprise when Demyx sat next to me and reached over to gently brush away the tears that I hadn't known were slowly trailing down my cheeks. I looked up at him, afraid and desperate for his comfort at the same time.

"It's okay, you know. I understand that it's going to take a while for you to regain your balance."

"I—I feel so messed up inside, Demyx. I feel like I'm _never_ going to be clean again, that I'll never be able to fit the pieces back together again. I'm afraid…I'm afraid that I'm always going to be broken, that I'll never get better, that I'll be like this forever," I blurted out, choking back a sob. Demyx put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer, comforting me. "Am I ever going to stop crying?" I whispered.

"Zexion, you're stronger than that, you have to be to have survived what happened to you. It just takes time for the mind and soul to recover, more than just a few days. I know it may feel like it's been longer than that, but it's only been a day since Lex found you in the window, and maybe two or three days since your mission and reporting to the Superior." He settled me against him, gently stroking my hair. I relaxed into his arms, letting the tears come, this time without the wracking sobs and hiccups. "The heart takes even longer to heal from great hurts," he said softly.

"What? But we don't _have_ hearts Demyx," I whined, part of me wanting to believe that was true, that the pain I felt inside was just something imagined.

"No, I don't believe that's true. Not for all of us. I think some of us where made different when we became Nobodies; you, me, Roxas, Axel. Even Marluxia and Lex _feel_ things, even if they don't always show it. I think the whole idea that we have no hearts, that we are incapable of feeling emotions is just something the Superior told us to control us, to make us despair, to make us remain loyal to him. You and the rest of the original six have had to listen to that for longer, have believed it for longer than some of us other members. Really, I think even before Xehanort robbed you of your hearts that he had already begun to make you bury your hearts deep inside, to become cold, unfeeling automatons who did only as directed. He didn't want assistants, he wanted puppets that would do whatever he wanted them to," Demyx fiercely said, holding me tight.

"I will never believe that we are beyond redemption, that we are incapable of regaining our hearts. But I think that Xemnas' plans are wrong, that he is going about it the wrong way. Kingdom Hearts is _not_ the right way to regain our hearts."

"But if you feel that way, why are you still here? Why haven't you regained your heart?" I asked, confused.

"How do you know I haven't already," he said with a wink. "I'm still here because I'm needed, because there are those here who would be hurt if I left," he looked down at me.

"Oh…I…"

"Look, this is far from a healthy or happy topic. I know you're not ready to face the others, but unfortunately, there's not much to do in my room if you're not a musician. And sadly, most of my books are about music or equally uninteresting topics. Is there anything you'd like to do? To read?" he asked, quickly changing the topic. "I could go to either the library or your rooms to get some books for you. I was thinking of stopping down in the kitchen to snag some more food anyways, so I could do that on the way."

"I…if you were already planning to go, there's a book I left on my nightstand that I'd like to finish, if you don't mind. Maybe pick up some fiction from the library?" I pleaded, terrified of being alone, but desperately wanting something to read.

"Not a problem! Is there a pass code or anything I need to get into your rooms?"

"Uh, just a key. It should be in the left-hand pocket of my coat," I answered, getting up to go find my coat.

"Nah, don't worry about it, Zexion. I hung your coat up with mine, which I'll need anyway," he said, motioning for me to sit back down. "Just relax, and I'll be back in a little while."

Demyx walked over to a coat tree in the corner next to the door that I hadn't even noticed until now. He shrugged his own coat on before reaching into my coat and pulling out the keys, quickly slipping them into the pocket of his coat. Looking over at me, he smiled and said, "Feel free to put in a CD in the stereo, and help yourself to my books. Make sure you keep the door locked at all costs; I have my entire suite warded, but one can never be too careful. I'll be back in half an hour or so, an hour tops, depending on if I get sidetracked by one of the others."

Not really wanting him to leave, but knowing it was necessary, I nodded before getting up. Without really thinking about it, I dropped the blanket onto the couch and rushed over to Demyx, hugging him tightly.

"Please don't be long," I whispered.

"I won't," he said, just as quietly. "Just relax, I'll be back soon."

Once again, he leaned down to place a kiss on my forehead before disentangling himself and exiting the room. I stood there staring at the door for a few moments before I remembered his directions to lock it behind him. _I hope he remembered his own keys. By the time he gets back I may not be in a position to answer the door._

Sighing, I headed over to his enormous stereo system and shuffled through his CD collection. I finally settled on a New Age mix CD, one that Demyx had obviously made for himself, and popped it into the player. As the music began to softly play, I pulled a book on music theory from Demyx's bookcase, grabbed the blanket from where I had dropped it and curled up in the overstuffed chair he had sat in earlier. The chair and blanket still smelt of Demyx, which soothed my panic at being alone a little bit.

I had started to nod off when there was a knock at the door. "Whu-what?" I muttered, rousing myself.

Another short series of knocks.

"Demyx? Are you in there?"

I shuffled over to the door, still wrapped in the blanket.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Zexion? It's Marluxia, please open the door. It's okay, Demyx told me some of what happened. Please let me in," he said softly through the door.

I really didn't want to open that door. _What if it's just another one of His tricks?_ Another part of me was desperately tired of being alone. That part won out, and I carefully unlocked and opened it a crack, peering around it.

"M-marluxia?" I practically whispered, still terrified that this was some trick, that the Superior had come back for me.

"Yes Zexion, it's just me. Can I please come in?" he asked, laying a hand over one of mine. I barely kept myself from jerking away from his touch. However, that touch allowed me to Read him a little, confirming that he was, indeed, Marluxia.

I nodded, opening the door the rest of the way and let him in. I made sure the door was closed and relocked as soon Marluxia had entered the room.

"So, where's Demyx?"

"H-he went t-to get some b-books for me…and some food too, I think," I glanced over to the now empty basket. I continued shuffling back over to the chair, pleased that I neither limped nor wavered. I curled back up in it, burrowing under the blanket until just my nose and eyes were visible. I think some childish part of me was convinced that if I hid well enough, curled up small enough, that the Superior would be unable to find and hurt me again. I forced myself to unbury myself enough that I could speak without my voice being muffled.

"Would you like some tea?" I asked, making ready to get up and search for an extra mug. _Where does Demyx keep his spare mugs, anyways?_

"Yes, thank you," Marluxia said, motioning for me to stay seated. "Relax, I know where Dem keeps his extra mugs," as he walked over to a cabinet between the window and fireplace. "This isn't the first time I've stopped by for tea and some company."

"Oh," I said, worrying about intruding. _Is there something between them? Have I disrupted their relationship?_ Apparently I wasn't very good at hiding my thoughts, because Marluxia immediately commented on them, as if he too, could read thoughts at will.

"Don't worry, Zexion, we're just good friends. Demyx has never felt that way about me, although I would never refuse him if he did," Marluxia smiled, returning with an empty mug, squatting in front of the fireplace to fill it with hot water. "And no, I don't read thoughts. It was written all over your face, plain as day. I'm certain Demyx is quite devoted to you."

He sat down on the couch, directly across from me, carefully dipping his tea bag into his cup. "You know, you're quite lucky to have both Demyx and Lexaeus looking out for you"

He paused, sipping his tea, and closing his eyes contentedly as it warmed him. I reached for my own rapidly cooling cup of tea. Watching me intently over the rim of his mug of tea, he nodded to himself and set it down carefully.

"Never, for one moment, think that you deserve what happened to you. _No one_ deserves to be treated that way," he knelt in front of me, lightly touching my knee, careful of how I fought not to jerk away, how I began to tremble slightly.

"Trust me, I will do everything I can to protect you and help you to heal. I will _never_ hurt you."

"I-I…th-thank you. I d-don't d-deserve any of the h-help and s-s-support you, Demyx and Lexaeus have s-shown m-me…but thank you," I looked down, ashamed of my weakness, of my filth, refusing to meet Marluxia's eyes.

At just that moment, I heard the door unlock and recognized Demyx's scent before he even entered the room. He opened the door, juggling an armload of books, as well as directing a couple of his water clones to place the trays of food that they were carrying on the hearth to stay warm.

"Oh! I see you came early Marluxia! Did you help yourself to some tea?" he asked, setting the books down on a table near the door.

"As always," Marluxia smiled, standing back up. "Zexion made sure to offer me some, even though he had no idea where you keep your spares." He winked at me, wordlessly agreeing to not mention anything we had talked about.

"Ah, good. Are you feeling any better Zex?"

"A…a little," I said softly, readjusting my blanket. "I still can't seem to stay warm."

"Hmm, after you eat something, I'll see what I can do about that," he said, walking over to the trays and moving them, one by one, over to the small round table that he obviously used for eating when one of the others stopped by to chat in private over dinner. Marluxia raised an eyebrow at his comment, obviously thinking along a different path than Demyx. I decided I really didn't want to know.

"Have you eaten yet Marly?" he asked, moving to set everything out.

"No, not recently. I've just had this cup of tea."

"Ah, well, I brought back more than enough food for all three of us," he smiled, finishing laying out all of the food he had commandeered.

Marluxia smiled, looking down at me. "I would love to, so long as it will not upset Zexion."

"N-no, it's okay, please stay and eat with us," I looked up at him, shocked. _Why would he worry about me like that? Who am I to deny him a meal and Demyx's company?_

"Wonderful!" he grinned. "Demyx, do you have any of that lovely blush wine left from last time?"

"Hmm, I think so. It should be in the sideboard with the wine glasses," he gestured towards said sideboard.

Marluxia grinned, laughing softly and walking over to grab three wine glasses and the bottle of wine. Demyx walked over to me and knelt in front of me, resting both hands on my knees as he looked up at me.

"Are you okay Zex?" he asked softly. "I had a feeling Marluxia would stop by to check in on you. For all his apparent flightiness, he really does care about all of us, and worries about our well-being."

"Y-yeah, I'm okay. He j-just startled me, is all," I glanced over to where Marluxia was pouring the wine, humming and dancing around. When he acted like that, it was hard to remember that his title was the Graceful Assassin. "H-he would make a better than the Superior," I whispered, terrified that my words would be carried back to Him somehow.

"Yes, he would. Never forget that, but never mention it outside of these rooms," Demyx said quietly.

"Demyx?" I asked nervously. "Have you and Marluxia ever…" I trailed off, unable to bring myself to say it out loud.

"What?" he looked at me, shocked. "No! Why would you _ever_ think that?"

"W-well, you just seem…so close and comfortable around each other."

"Zexion, I'm friends with Marly, and I _do_ care about him. But not like that; it would never work," he glanced over to Marluxia, who smiled in understanding. "We enjoy each other's company, but it's nothing more than simple friendship." He reached for me, drawing me into his arms. "We all need friends Zexion, whether we know it or not. Even you," he leaned his forehead against mine. "Let Marly become a friend; I think you both could gain a lot from it."

"B-but…what about you?" I murmured, confused and a little overwhelmed.

"Hey! I didn't say anything about me or my leaving. I fully intend to keep both of you as my friends. You won't be rid of me _that_ easily," he chuckled, rubbing his nose against my nose. I squawked in surprise before throwing my arms around him.

"I never want you to leave me. I was afraid you wanted to be rid of me."

"I could never be rid of you," he whispered. "You're part of my heart."

I couldn't believe my ears. Had he really just said that I'm part of his heart? _But I'm worthless, I'm dirty, I'm broken!_ I wanted it to be true, I needed it to be. Otherwise, my carefully balanced hopes would shatter, leaving me a broken shell, beyond repair. _I don't think I could survive him leaving me._

"Hey! Are you two going to come eat or just sit there mooning over each other?" Marluxia called, good natured laughter evident in his voice.

"W-what? W-we're not…I," I stuttered, flushing a brilliant crimson.

"Sorry Mar, you can't have him; I'll share , but not that much," Demyx laughed, pulling back and then leaning over to offer me his hand.

"C'mon, let's go eat before Mar gets any more perverted ideas!"

"I am _not_ a pervert!"

"O-okay," I stammered out, still unbearably red.

"You are _so_ a pervert Mar—I've seen your book collection, remember?" Demyx raised an eyebrow at Marluxia as we walked over to the table.

"Hey! I though we agreed not to bring that up again?" Marluxia blushed almost the same colour as his hair. At some point, he had removed his uniform coat, revealing a deep violet silk shirt, buttoned only half way. _When did he take off his coat? I don't remember him doing that._

"Then stop embarrassing poor Zexion. He'll never eat if you keep it up!" Demyx admonished Marluxia, sitting down between us and reaching for a carafe, presumably holding soup.

"Fine, I'll lay off," he smirked. "For now at least," he winked at me.

_Oh gods, please make him stop! I can't deal with this!_ Beneath my blush, I could feel my face paling a little.

"Mar…" Demyx warned, pouring what was indeed soup into his bowl.

"Alright, alright," he held up his hands, still grinning and chuckling.

"Here," Demyx said, handing the carafe to me. "Have some soup, it's really good."

I nodded wordlessly, accepting the carafe and pouring some soup into my bowl. It turned out to be lentil soup, to my surprise. _How did he know that I love lentil soup?_ Making a soft sound of contentment, I filled my bowl, surprised when my stomach rumbled.

Demyx looked over at me, raising an eyebrow in inquiry, while smirking slightly. "Hungry?"

"I…I guess so," yet again, I found myself blushing. I set the carafe down, and started to eat my soup, avoiding Demyx's and Marluxia's eyes. Part of me registered that the two of them continued to chat, while the rest was far more intently focused on the soup in front of me. I quickly snagged samples of the rest of the food on the table, eating much more than I thought myself capable of. Much like a puppy or young child, I soon found myself feeling not only very full, but very sleepy. _Dammit__, why am I always tired so quickly? I swear, I feel like my body is trying to regain my childhood or something. What the hell is wrong with me?_

I couldn't stop myself when I started to jerk my head back up every few minutes, fighting off the exhaustion that was bent on claiming me.

"Hey, why don't you go to bed Zex? You look like you're about to pass out in your soup bowl," Demyx said, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, shocked when I had to blink a few times to bring him into focus. I nodded, acknowledging the wisdom of seeking my bed. Slowly, carefully, I got up out of the chair, and per habit, started to weave towards the door.

Only, somehow the ceiling became the wall, and I found myself being carried by Marluxia, of all people. I started to fight, albeit weakly, to get out of his arms. _I can walk back to my room and bed by myself, thank you very much!_

"Shh, it's okay Zexion, I won't drop you. I don't know what the hell is going through your head right now, but you are _not_ leaving these rooms, nor are you going to go wandering by yourself," he said quietly, looking first at me, and then off to the side, at Demyx I presumed.

"B-but, I…" my sleep-slurred words were halted by Marluxia's finger over my lips.

"No buts, Zex. Imagine how hurt Dem would be if you passed out in the hallway and something horrid happened to you," Marluxia said softly, carrying me back into Demyx's bedroom. He gracefully balanced me while pulling down the blankets on the bed, before gently laying me down. I looked up at his concerned face, shocked by the emotions I saw flitting out across. I reached out, cupping his cheek with my shaking hand; physical contact always made it easier for me to read the intentions of others. _Worry. Friendship. Concern. A flash of fear, but not for himself. Affection._ I pulled back, staring at him. Marluxia simply held perfectly still, sitting on the edge of the waterbed and watching me.

"Zexion, I really do care about you, about the others. We may be terribly dysfunctional, but we're still a family of sorts. Please believe me when I say I'll do whatever I can to protect you; Demyx feels the same way," he paused, pulling the blankets up over me. "He cares about you so deeply Zex, even though we are not supposed to have hearts with which to care. To love. But somehow he does. Let him in," he leaned down, brushing aside my bangs, and lightly kissed my forehead. "Sleep well, Zexion."

With that, he stood and left the room, dimming the lights before closing the door and leaving me alone with my thoughts and memories. Thankfully, I wasn't alone with them for very long, as sleep quickly dragged me down into its depths.


	5. Part IV

**A/n:** So sorry this took me so long to update! Work has been eating my brain, along with working on my Halloween costume. Hope everyone continues to enjoy this, and I _really_ appreciate the kind reviews I've been getting! hugs Thanks guys!

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own the boys...just this sad little plot.

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_Part IV_

Demyx joined me at some later point, wrapping his arms around me before starting to fall asleep himself. I curled into his embrace; even mostly asleep, I still recognized his scent, the warmth of his body.

"Mm, Dem?" I murmured sleepily, snuggling close.

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling me closer. "Go back to sleep Zex, I won't leave you."

He sounded tired and I wondered just what time it was, but to find that out would have required my moving in order to see the clock on the dresser next to Demyx's bed. That was more effort than I was willing to exert. So instead, I squirmed in Demyx's arms, turning so that I could face him. Even though I couldn't't really see his face in the dark, I felt better facing him. Demyx chuckled a little, tucking my head under his chin, and sighing deeply.

"I'm so glad that you're okay Zex, that you're here," he whispered.

"I…I'm glad too, I think," I responded, a little unsure. "I know I'm glad that you're still here with me, that you let me stay."

"I'll never make you leave," Demyx said, holding me tightly in his strong arms. "You are free to come and go as you wish, but I will _never_ force you into something you do not wish, including leaving."

I looked up at him, shocked by what he was implying. _Me? Why would anyone, especially Demyx, ever want me after what It and He did to me?_ I reached a hand up to his face, once again needing to reassure myself of the verisimilitude of Demyx's words.

_Love. Worry. Anger at the Superior. Love. Protective of me. Love._

I started to pull my hand away, unaware of the tears streaking my cheeks, only to have Demyx grab it and hold it to his cheek.

"Zexion, I speak the truth when I say I care deeply for you, when I say that you are part of my heart," he said, wiping my tears away with the thumb of his other hand, before running it through my hair.

He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against mine, offering comfort, love, reassurance and more than I had ever dared hope to receive. I reached up, wrapping my arms around Demyx and returning his kiss nervously. Ienzo had never kissed anyone besides his mother before becoming a Nobody, and I did not have any more experience than my Other did. What I did have experience with was the mind, and I opened mine, reaching out with gentle mental hands to Demyx, bringing him inside of my mind, allowing him to see some of what I was thinking, what had happened to me. I knew I would never be able to tell him all of what had happened to me, both during my mission and afterwards, but I knew that he needed to know.

"I…" Demyx choked back a sob. "I'm so _sorry_, Zexion, I had no idea it had been that horrible. Oh sweet Goddess, you are even stronger than I thought, to have survived all of that alive, let alone sane."

I tried to move closer to him, trying not to start crying again. "Demyx, I'm not even sure if I _am_ sane anymore," I whispered into his chest. "I can't seem to stop crying, I can't stand to have anyone else besides you or Lexaeus touch me. When Marluxia knocked on the door I started to have a panic attack!"

"Shh, Zex, that's to be expected! You can't honestly think that going through all of that would leave you untouched, do you?"

"That's just _it!_" I wailed, my voice rising and cracking on the last word. "I'm _tainted_, I'm _dirty_ and _unclean_ and I don't think I'll _ever_ be rid of _It's_ or_ His_ touches! How can you bear to be near me?" I had started to pull away as the terror became uncontrollable and began to consume me. Unfortunately_ (or fortunately)_ I had forgotten to break the line of connection I had established between myself and Demyx, which meant that Demyx could See and Feel exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I was locked in an endless loop of terror, memories and my own psychosis brought on by what had happened to me.

"Zex! Hey! Look at me!" Demyx cried, grabbing my shoulders, preventing me from escaping, although Goddess knew where I thought I would go. "Stop! It's ok, it's ok, I'm not gonna hurt you! Just relax, alright?"

I fought, both to break Demyx's hold on my shoulders, as well as the connection between us. Somehow, Demyx managed to keep that connection open, sending calming and healing energy through it. Even as caught up in my panic, I could feel him, sense him reaching out to me.

I started to quickly loose strength, my struggles weakening until finally, I collapsed against Demyx, panting and exhausted. At least for the moment I felt completely blank, floating in an in-between of my own creation.

"Shh, shh, it's alright, I know what happened, and I still want you here with me," he said, stroking back my hair, keeping my head and shoulders resting in his lap. "Just relax. And please, don't _ever_ try to hurt yourself like that," he quietly murmured, summoning a water-clone that brought in a damp washcloth. Demyx started to gently run it over my face and neck, cooling and cleaning my fevered flesh. I was shocked when I found that it stung in places were I apparently had clawed at myself. _What's wrong with me? Why can I no longer control my own mind? My own body? Will I never have control of myself again?_

Ashamed at the fresh tears that started to course down my cheeks, I curled up on my side, trying to hide my face from Demyx. I was so weak, so useless and broken. _How could he possibly want someone as broken as I? I am beyond repair!_

"Zexion!" he said sharply. "Stop that this instant! You are _not_ beyond repair! If you would only let me in, let me help you, we could work towards repairing what you've lost."

Demyx leaned down, turning me to look at him, preventing me from hiding my tears. He reached out a hand to gently wipe the tears away, and then pulled me into a sitting position.

"This is just saltwater; it makes up the majority of the human body, and is completely natural. It is nothing to be ashamed of Zexion, and is a simple expression of intense emotion."

"I…b-but Demyx, I c-cant stop c-crying _all_ the time!" I hiccuped, trying not to fling myself at him. Demyx apparently had other ideas, reaching out and gathering my trembling body to his chest.

"You were raped as well as having the shit kicked out of you! As I've told you before Zex, you can't expect to be okay overnight. It takes time for wounds to heal, especially those of the mind, soul and heart."

"W-we d-don't _have_ hearts! S-s-s-uperior is _always_ saying that," I stuttered, barely able to mention His name.

"He's _wrong_, Zexion. We _do_ have hearts; they're just incomplete. His master plan to regain them is _wrong_, and many of us have realized that.

Why do you think Marluxia works so hard to create the façade that most believe is his true identity? Those of us who no longer believe in the Superior's sanity and methods are working on an alternate plan. We plan to escape, some time in the future; most likely it will be done in stages. Marluxia hopes that you will be able to help by creating illusions that will mislead those not involved," he continued to hold me, rocking me gently back and forth. It was at odds with his speech, but I found myself not caring, so long as he held me.

"In order for you to be able to do so, you need to allow yourself to grieve, to heal and to regain your strength and balance. Marluxia, Lexaeus and I will do whatever is necessary to help you, if only you let us."

"I…don't know Dem. I don't know if I'm ready to defy Him," I whispered, burying my face in his chest. "He…He still terrifies me."

There, I had finally admitted it. I was terrified of my own Superior, my leader, the man who had caused me to become what I now was.

"I know, Zex, I know," he replied, rubbing a hand up and down my back. I sniffled a little, and wrapped my arms tightly around him. I was so tired; tired of being scared, of being hurt, of running, of being alone. My eyes burned from the tears and from the exhaustion that I now felt that the adrenaline had run its course through my system.

Demyx continued to rock back and forth, humming softly. I reached out a mental hand, surprised to find the connection still intact, although the intensity of it had been lessened to the point where we were just barely aware of each other's thoughts and feelings. Demyx responded with a gently glowing mental hand, silently asking entry to help me relax, sleep and heal. I gave my equally silent consent, and almost immediately felt my body relaxing and found myself drifting in a sea of various shades of blue. I felt safe here, and found that I couldn't focus on any one thought or feeling. Even better, I was free from my memories for a brief time. I latched onto the feeling of peace flowing through me, oblivious to Demyx lifting my now mostly unconscious body so that he could pull down the blankets. I continued to float, only vaguely aware of what was happening before I finally slid into a deep, dreamless slumber.


End file.
